Jeanine is a fairly young woman, who has great musical talent and a gorgeous voice. She is sitting in the office of her preaching minister and one of the elders, because they've missed hearing it in the worship – even though she has been there. She is usually a quiet person. But she can no longer keep quiet. "You've got to understand something about me," she tells them. "I've been watching and listening in worship for a long time, but I can't hear you all sing songs of celebration … I can't watch you praise without wondering 'How real is any of this?'   
"What takes place in there can evaporate before you get to the lobby.

"It does for me. Back at my home church – or what used to be my home church – it looked a lot like it does here. Joyous singing, smiling faces, even a few lifted hands. But what it looks like and what it is can be two very different things.

"I was with the praise team that helped teach new songs. I worked with worship planning. I loved every minute of it all. Until … my private life became public. My mistake was believing my work colleague was single like me. Only after a few dates in public places, it became obvious that he was 'Married with Children.'

"I would never have gone out with him if I had known the truth. But that didn't matter to the guardians of purity in that church. I was a 'home wrecker,' a 'marriage breaker,' 'the other woman.' 
"Did anyone talk to me about it? Of course not. They had far more fun talking about me than to me. You know what my favorite form of gossip is? It goes like this … " – and she lowered her voice in a conspiratorial tone – "… 'You really need to pray for Jeannine. You know she's involved with a married man. Let's just keep that in our prayer group.'

"All the while, I was less and less welcome, less 'invited in' … less acceptable. No more praise team singing for me. My worship planning suggestions were ignored. I became a non-person. You know, that's worse than being reviled to my face. At least when someone tells you what bothers them about you, it can be addressed, clarified and if necessary, changed. But when the only conversation is behind your back, the half-truths become completely true.

"I guess Jesus didn't mean us when He said 'before you bring your gifts to the altar." There's no altar in our churches; that must be it.  It must not matter when we have 'something against' our brother or sister.

"Look, I've just rambled on here. I'm trying to become comfortable in your church, you know? But word travels. And I've started to see some of the looks I used to see people give me at my old church. The polite smile. The glance that darts away. Worst of all, that look of pity.

"And I just can't sing any more." * 

* adapted from a monologue delivered at the fall ZOE Worship Conference, 2005

SCRIPTURAL POINTS OF LIGHT

Ephesians 2:8-10, Romans 4:1-8, 2 Timothy 4:3-10, Titus 3:4-8, Genesis 13:1-18; 18:1, Leviticus 18:22; 20:1, Deuteronomy 4:9; 6:1-9, 1 Samuel 2:12, 22-26, Romans 1:18-3, 1 Corinthians 6:9-20, Ephesians 6:1-4, Colossians 3:18-4:6