LESSON 13 • Marital Relations
1 Peter 3:1-7

OPEN

Anyone who has been married knows the mix of feelings we have as husbands and wives. There are plenty of jokes about it as well- “Husbands/wives…You can’t live with ‘em, you can’t live without ‘em.” (Or the shorter version- “Husbands/wives…You can’t live with ‘em…) There is also the classic Rodney Dangerfield line, “Take my wife (husband)…PLEASE!” As good as God intended as marriage to be (Gen. 2:18), this can be one of the most trying relationships we encounter. God made us different by nature (Gen. 1:27). It has been noted that the original language here implies not just physical differences, but an inherent difference between the male and the female. This would include unique needs, responses, interests, expectations, emotions, priorities, etc. These differences combine to create very complex dynamics and potential problems between a husband and a wife in their marriage. Here in I Peter 3:1-7, Peter addresses God’s expectations for that marital relationship.


The overall theme of I Peter is a focus on Christian living and setting an example of faith for non-Christians, especially as the persecutions of Nero and other Roman rulers intensified. Within this context, Peter encourages the Christians to live faithful lives of holiness that would bring glory to the name of Christ, give courage to fellow believers, and inspire non-believers to come to a saving faith through Jesus. All of this is based (1:3-4) on the sacrifice of Jesus (to die for our sins) and of God (to give his only son to die for us). After an initial call to purity and holy living, Peter begins a discussion of submission. The section begins with submission to God and the truth and power of his word (2:1-12). He then moves on to submission toward various authorities (2:13-17), submission between masters and slaves (2:18-25), and finally submission between husbands and wives (3:1-7). This passage is very much parallel to Paul’s writing on these same subjects in Ephesians 5:21-6:9. In all of these relationships, Paul and Peter base the role of both submission and authority alongside our submission to God (Eph. 5:21) and God’s authority toward us (Eph. 6:9). With this in mind, let us try to draw from this passage that which Peter intended.

Before we start the discussion, let us again consider Ephesians 5:21. We are to submit ourselves to “one another” and to do it “out of reverence for Christ.” These two truths seem paramount in addressing these issues. The first truth states that submission is reciprocal. This means both the husband and the wife submit to the other (“one another”). The second truth states that we submit out of the reverence we feel for Christ. The example he set was to empty himself and die for our betterment (Phil. 2:6-8). That is the basis for the reverence that should motivate our own spirit of submission. By nature this appears to be very difficult (why else would there be so many admonitions in scripture to be humble, to think of others first, to avoid pride and selfishness, etc.). It is also becoming increasingly difficult as our society teaches selfishness, pride, self-centeredness, etc., as positive (necessary?) character traits. Despite the good that has come from the women’s movement over the past thirty years, the subtle (and not so subtle) resistance to male authority further challenges passages such as these. This applies not only to a woman’s resistance to submit to a man, but also in the male’s hesitancy to pick up the mantle of authority to which God has called him. Granted, there have been centuries of male abuse of these and other passages. However, God calls us to a spirit of submission in order to please Him. This should be our only goal and the force that drives our attitudes and behavior.

In verses 1-6, wives are called to be submissive to their husbands. This is not intended to be a subservient role. It is intended to help elevate the husband’s general behavior and, if he is an unbeliever, to ultimately impact his eternal destiny. This is done by a wife appropriately setting her focus- i.e, on spiritual issues and not on outward concerns. Peter appeals to the example of Sarah and other great women of faith who kept their focus on God and led lives worthy of His calling. They understood that the inner self and their spiritual relationship to Him was far more worthy of their energies than becoming distracted by external concerns. It would be their purity and the gentle attitudes of their lives that would impact their husbands (and children/families) and lead to their being called daughters of Sarah (v 6).

Husbands, likewise, are called to be “considerate” of their wives and to treat them accordingly. Wives are to be treated with “respect” and as “heirs” in God’s kingdom (See also Gal. 4:1-7.). When the parallel passage of Ephesians 5:25-33 (especially v 25) is also considered, husbands are actually called to a greater sense of submission and responsibility toward their wives. Unfortunately, more emphasis has typically been put on only the wife being called to submission, rather than how the husband is being called to an even higher level of submission. The wife is never specifically called to follow the example of Christ in Ephesians 5:25 who “gave himself up for her” (that means DIED!), as is the husband. The reality is, the more respectfully and courteously that husbands treat their wives, the more likely wives are to fulfill the role God has given them. Therefore, husbands must establish an environment in which there is no fear in submission, but only a confident assurance that her best interests will be of utmost importance.

This attitude of submission is very different from how the world operates by telling us to “Look out for number one” and that “It’s all about me.” Within marriages, this level of submission is difficult enough to establish and maintain even during the good times. How much more difficult is it when times are tough, when our spouse may not be fulfilling his/her responsibilities, when submission is abused, etc? However, regardless of the ease or difficulty of the situation, God calls both husbands and wives to submit to each other. This will then become yet another means, besides the immediate context of worship, to “spur one another on to love and good works” (Hebrews 10:24).

Discussion

1. What differences do you see between men and women in the realm of attitudes, priorities, emotions, behavior, spirituality, etc.?

2. Since God made us “male and female” why did He choose to endow each with the above differences that so often create/contribute to the conflicts and challenges we face in dealing with each other?

3. What would be a set of marital priorities that would maximize the health of the relationship and minimize the conflict?

4. What specific strategies can a spouse employ when times are tough to “spur one another on to love and good works”?

5. Although disagreements are often based on different perceptions/perspectives, how do we handle problems that are clearly the responsibility of the other spouse?

6. How is one to live according to God’s expectations when they are trying to do right, but their spouse is doing little or nothing to improve the marriage?



Mike Parker is a psychologist in private practice here in Little Rock. Along with his wife, Linda, and three daughters, Jeni, Alicia, and Rebecca, Mike has worshipped at Pleasant Valley for twelve years.