LIFE
GROUP DISCUSSION GUIDE
BIBLE CLASS DISCUSSION GUIDE
Sunday Morning, September 30, 2007
“Differences Without Discord”
5 Minutes
- Welcome / Family Matters / Prayer
10 Minutes - OPEN
“The
things dividing us at Grace-Calvary concerned me less than what
the division itself was doing to the community. Because church
people tend to think that they should not fight, most of them
are really bad at it. Many prefer writing long, single-spaced
letters to the rector in lieu of direct confrontation. Some
sit on their grievances with pained looks on their faces until
internal combustion occurs and fire shoots out of their mouths,
while others simply vanish, calling the church office months
later to remove their names from the rolls. When face-to-face
conflict does occur, it is often hard for church people to say
what is bothering them in personal terms, especially when what
is bothering them cuts close to the bone of what they hold most
dear. Many find that they can avoid confessing their secret
fears by speaking of church doctrine instead or appealing to
orthodox Christian belief for support.”
--
Barbara Brown Taylor Leaving Church: A Memoir of Faith,
2006.
1. Are church people
“really bad at conflict”? Why?
2. Do any of the
responses to conflict Taylor describes – complaining to
church leaders, keeping grievances inside till they boil over
or just leaving—resonate with you? Why is each of them
unproductive?
3. Invite class members
to discuss a conflict they have experienced in a church setting
and the results of that conflict.
God intends our unity and love for one another to be a witness
of his power and goodness before an unbelieving world. It is
one of the ways that the kingdom of God breaks through in the
world through us. God calls us to a standard of surpassing righteousness
– and perhaps in no area does he expect more of us than
in how we deal with conflict and how we maintain unity in the
body of Christ.
20 Minutes - DIG
God’s
commands on dealing with differences
Read the following passages together in the class:
May
the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit
of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that
with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father
of our Lord Jesus Christ. Accept one another, then, just as
Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.
Romans
15:5-6
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved,
clothe yourself with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness
and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances
you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave
you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them
all together in perfect unity.
Colossians
3:12-15
Make every effort to live at peace with all men and to be holy;
without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no
one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up
to causes trouble and defile many.
Hebrews
12:14-15
So from now on we regard no one from an earthly point of view.
Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer.
Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation –
the old is gone and the new has come. All this is from God who
reconciled us to himself through Christ Jesus and gave us the
ministry of reconciliation.
2
Corinthians 5:16-20
How is God calling
us to a “surpassing righteousness” in the way we
handle differences with others?
How should Christians
be distinctive in the ways we handle conflict?
How can we be agents
of reconciliation and bring a lost world to God if we cannot
bring peace, reconciliation, and unity among brothers and sisters
in Christ?
A Surpassing
Righteousness in Conflicts
How does God expect us to be different from the world in handling
conflict?
The change must not only be in our behavior but also in our
hearts.
What
causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come
from your desires that battle within you? You want something
but don’t get it. You kill and covet but you cannot have
what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have because
you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive because
you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get
on your pleasures.
James 4:1-3
We often are in
conflict because of our attitudes – pride, self-righteousness,
selfishness, or superiority. We must ask God to show us these
problems of the heart and rely on his strength to transform
us.
God expects us to embrace countercultural values in our approach
to conflict
While the world embraces rights, Christ leads us to sacrifice.
While the world keeps a scorecard of winning and superiority,
we are called to submission and servant-hood. In a “me”
generation, we are to consider others as more important than
ourselves. While others scheme and plot to save face and maintain
pride, we are to demonstrate humility.
If then there is any encouragement in Christ, any consolation
from love, any sharing in the Spirit, any compassion and sympathy,
make my joy complete; be of the same mind, having the same love,
being in full accord and of one mine. Do nothing from selfish
ambition or conceit, but in humility regard others as better
than yourselves. Let each of you look not to your own interest,
but to the interests of others. Let the same mind be in you
that was in Christ Jesus.
Philippians
2:1-5
God expects us to
examine ourselves, confess our sins, and admit the ways we have
contributed to the conflict.
Our litigious society tells us to be cautious, admit nothing
and never concede or show weakness. God tells us that we achieve
wholeness and harmony when we examine ourselves, confess our
sins, and ask for forgiveness.
If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and
the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful
and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all
unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him
out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives.
1
John 1:8-9
Do not judge,
or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others,
you will be judged and with the measure you use, it will be
measured to you. Why do you look for the speck of sawdust
in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank
in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Le
me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time
there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take
the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly
to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
Matthew
7:1-5
When we confess
our own sins and our contributions to the conflict, it is often
a turning point, a moment when hearts are softened and the Holy
Spirit breaks through to transform the people and the conflict.
God calls us beyond tolerating one another in our differences
to embracing and loving one another.
Therefore
each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his
neighbor, for we are all members of one body. In your anger
do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry;
and do not give the devil a foothold. . . Do not let any unwholesome
talk come out of your mouths but only what is helpful for building
others up according to their needs that it may benefit those
who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God with whom
you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness,
rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form
of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving
each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you.
Ephesians
4:25-32
God expects us to
seek not just co-existence but reconciliation with our brothers
and sisters because he has modeled perfect reconciliation for
us in his sacrifice and forgiveness. He so desperately wanted
to restore his relationship with us that he was willing to give
his Son to form the bridge to reach us.
God expects us to depend on him in our conflicts, and to allow
the Holy Spirit to work in our lives.
Our unity and love form a powerful beacon to a lost world because
it is difficult to live in peace with one another. God knew
we could not do it on our own, but would need to depend on him.
He also knew that our love for one another would testify of
the Spirit’s work in our lives. God does not call us to
things we cannot do, or to control the response of others. He
only asks that we be faithful to his commands, and to trust
him to soften and change the hearts of others.
Paul’s advice to Euodia and Syntyche in Philippi about
resolving their dispute, encourages them to pray to God and
that the peace of God “which transcends all understanding
will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
(Philippians
4: 2-7).
-
What attitudes are at the heart of some of our most bruising
conflicts?
-
What
role does the Holy Spirit play in resolving conflicts?
-
How
can confession be a route to resolving conflict?
-
What
does it mean to be reconciled to someone with whom we have
been in conflict?
Conflict
on Matters of Conscience
But what about when our differences are moral conflicts, when
a brother believes something is right that offends our conscience
and our conception of biblical teaching? What about when we
differ over instrumental music? Women’s roles in public
worship? Divorce and remarriage? For some worship style issues
such as clapping, raising hands, singing solos, singing during
the Lord’s Supper, or responsive readings may be matters
of conscience and scriptural interpretation. Can we find love
and fellowship together without compromising our beliefs and
violating our consciences? We have often faced such moral conflicts
over the history of the Church of Christ over issues from support
of children’s homes, Bible classes, partaking of communion
from one cup or many, and having kitchens or recreation facilities
in church buildings. At times these issues have splintered fellowship
in the body. The Bible offers guidance even on these difficult
issues. Each of the suggestions that follow may apply to some
matters of conscience and not to others.
God calls us to refrain from activities which would violate
our conscience without judging or restricting the brother whose
conscience is not violated by the activity.
Accept
him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable
matters. One man’s faith allows him to eat everything,
but another main, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables.
The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does
not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn
the man who does, for God has accepted him. Who are you to judge
someone else’s servant? To his own master he stands or
falls. And he will stand for the Lord is able to make him stand.
Romans
14:1-4
We sometimes believe
if we are in fellowship with someone who does not believe exactly
as we do that we are tacitly condoning that belief or activity.
The scripture teaches us that we can be in fellowship with others
who believe differently on some issues than we do.
We should tactfully, privately and directly teach those who
we believe to be in error, and trust God to change their hearts
if they are in sin.
Don’t
have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because
you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servant
must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able
to teach, and not resentful. Those who oppose him he must gently
instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading
to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their
senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken
them captive to do his will.
2
Timothy 2:23-26
Priscilla and Aquilla
took such an approach to instructing Apollos when they believed
his teaching on baptism was in error (Acts
18:24-28).
Following the example of Christ, we should show love and compassion
for all people even though we may have doctrinal and/or cultural
differences.
Both by example and direct teaching, Christ rebuked the Pharisees
for binding burdens on believers with their strict adherence
to doctrine at the expense of loving and serving others. Consider
the following examples:
Jesus healed a man
and a woman on the Sabbath (Mark
3:1-5, Luke
13:10-17);
Jesus touched a man
with leprosy (Matthew
8: 3-4);
He allowed his disciplines
to pick wheat to eat on the Sabbath (Matthew
12:1-8);
Teaching about washing
of hands before eating (Matthew
15:1-9);
Healing the daughter
of a Gentile because of her faith (Mark
7:24-30)
Being alone with
a sinful Samaritan woman (John
4:1-26);
Forgiving the woman
caught in adultery rather than stoning her as the Law required
(John
8:1-11).
The principle Jesus
articulated a number of times (and that appears throughout the
Bible) is “I desire mercy and not sacrifice” (Hosea
6:6; Matthew
12:7; James
2:13), meaning that compassion for others is more important
than strict adherence to the law. Perhaps that is why Jesus
stated the greatest commandments were to love God and to love
your neighbor.
By these actions Jesus was not indicating that the law, or doctrine,
was not important or binding. He emphasized that he had come
not to destroy the law but rather to fulfill it. Jesus did indicate
that at times compassion for others is more important than strict
legalism or doctrine.
We can listen to one another and try to understand and respect
one another’s views without compromising our own principles.
Sometimes we approach conversations with brothers with whom
we disagree with a spirit of argumentation. We are convinced
we are right and we must persuade the other that he is wrong.
Sometimes we assume the worst motive about our brother –
that he is deliberately spreading error, trying to destroy the
church, trying to prevent progress, or determined to wield power.
When we instead enter the conversation to understand the position
of the other, we can hear their stories and learn more about
why they have come to the positions they have. We might learn,
for example, why someone is so attached to a traditional song
because it was sung at her baptism, or learn that another raises
her hands during a song to honor God. Even if we still disagree
at the end of the conversation, we can see our brother or sister
as equally sincere about their views. We can do so without condoning
error or compromising what we believe. However, if we listen
with a spirit of humility and openness, we will sometimes find
there are different ways to please God, and to love our brother
or sister through differences.
Practical
Suggestions for "Breathing Grace" in Conflict
-
Overlook minor offenses. Don’t be a person who sees
a slight in every action of others.
-
Make
charitable judgments of others’ motivations.
-
Examine
your own contributions, especially on heart issues. Is your
own pride, stubbornness, or self-righteousness preventing
a closer relationship with your brother or sister?
-
Peace
faking (pretending that there is not a problem) or stirring
dissent does not honor God. Matthew 18 serves as an excellent
blueprint for conflict discussions. First talk to your brother
face to face and in private to try to resolve a difference.
If that is not successful, take 1-2 wise Christians with you
to mediate.
-
Confession
creates an opening for the work of the Holy Spirit. If you
have done something to offend your brother or escalate the
conflict, confess your wrong and ask for forgiveness. It will
soften the heart of the other, and create an opening for transformation
by the Spirit.
-
How
you start the conversation is important. Start by a neutral
description of the issue or situation, “We have different
views about instrumental music. Can we talk about this?”
Invite the other person to participate.
-
Let
love and grace be evident in the way you talk about concerns
with your brother.
-
Ask
questions and listen before you talk. Be patient, attend verbally
and nonverbally, ask questions in an open and genuine way.
Paraphrase. Seeking to understand another person’s point
of view is not a commitment to agree, even on matters of conscience.
-
You
can disagree or criticize lovingly and respectfully. Affirm
the person and the relationship. Use language that shows humility,
“That’s not the way I understand the scripture
about that subject,” or “I would have to study
that issue again. I have never seen that interpretation.”
There can be no peace
without forgiveness
When we have been
faithful to God’s teaching about conflict, we can trust
God with the result. If our brother does not immediately respond
to our efforts at conciliation, we can trust the Holy Spirit
to finish the work we have started. We can be at peace with
the matter.
20 Minutes - REFLECT
What one suggestion
above seems to hold the most potential for a conflict you’ve
encountered in the church?
Which of the suggestions
above seems the most difficult to implement?
5 Minutes
- CLOSING PRAYER
Heavenly Father:
You built a bridge over the canyon of our sins by sending your
only son to live on the earth, exemplify your nature, and sacrifice
himself for our sins. You desired a relationship with us that
much. Help us to have that same desire for reconciliation with
members of your body, so we can live out the identity you planned
for us, and glorify your name.
|
One
in Christ - Lesson 1
September 9, 2007
"Unity and Diversity"
One
in Christ - Lesson 2
September 16, 2007
"Unity and Freedom"
One
in Christ - Lesson 3
September 23, 2007
"Unity and Submission"
One
in Christ - Lesson 4
September 30, 2007
"Differences without Discord"
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